Out of My Hands

July 10, 2013

I thought the 'distance' aspect of our relationship was over when I moved to Maryland in January. What a relief to no longer travel long hours on weekends to see each other for a little more than 24 hours, to be able to spend every single day together. But, here I am in Virginia while my Pete is still in Maryland. I never saw it coming; didn't fathom spending any more time apart than we already have. Apparently, His big plan included a little more distance until our wedding day. And while I know God's path for me is His decision, I find myself grappling with the idea of more distance and loathing the thought of more time separated from one another. God's reasoning isn't something I need to understand, but with a humbled heart I find myself finding bits of His glory in this life of mine. I'm learning and finding Him more every day.

Like today, while I reflect on the circumstances I currently find myself dealing with. I can't think solely on the present, as the past has most certainly affected where I am at today. So much has changed in the last eight months. And it has lead me to this season of my life, which is full of excitement, uncertainty, and anxiety. I am counting down the 87 days left until I marry the love of my life, while searching for a job to secure a relocation back to our college town, and letting all the unknowns spike my stress levels. At times I find myself ready to break down in tears for no good reason at all, simply because I need to release all the emotions. And other times I am so filled with joy of the future possibilities I want to squeal and dance around. It's been emotional whiplash, I tell you. And thus, I am concentrating on the important things in this lifetime.

Now more than ever, I realize how I have I poured so much attention into some things and neglected others. Shame on me for not being more cognizant of this! With a temporary move back to Virginia I am being presented with ways to counteract my negligence, and in that I find God's plan at work. Maybe this distance has a purpose, much bigger than I thought. Not only am I able to reconnect with old friends, spend quality time with my family, but I am also able to focus on my relationship with the man upstairs. I'm finding so many ways to honor Him with my actions that I am constantly astounded. Having time in Virginia gives me the chance to do things I otherwise could not in Maryland. Like dedicating time to the temple God gave me by finding strength once again in this body of mine through exercise regimens, and sharing my journey with friends and experiencing theirs, knowing full well what a blessing it is to have them in my life. To top it off, I am discovering more and more how important Pete is in my life and to never take my greatest blessing for granted. I am in awe how God is showing me how special our marriage is going to be. That even with struggling with the hundreds of miles between us, there is some good coming out of it and He prospers our relationship every day.

I can't not be thankful for this opportunity, even with as much as I miss Pete (and do I ever!). I know these plans have purpose and will only grow my faith, my relationships, and my life in ways I couldn't do on my own. I don't express it enough, but today I am so thankful for the guidance of my loving God. No matter the difficulties I face nor the happiness I take pleasure in, I can rest assured that He's got my back, always has and always will.

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.
And be thankful. -Colossians 3:15