Confessions Of A Newly Married Man, Pt. 2

August 12, 2014

Hi again! I am glad to be able to post some more confessions on the blog and share about the things I've learned being a newly married man. I hope I can give some insight to those who are contemplating marriage, relate to the newly married, and provide, perhaps, humor to those who have been married a long time. All in all I'm still learning, but for now I must confess that...

It's incredibly important to pursue your wife everyday. I think I first heard this in a church sermon, and I feel like it is such a key component for husbands to keep in mind. It's so simple. I feel that it is one of the biggest initiatives that you see lacking in struggling marriages, and commonplace in flourishing marriages. My wife loves to be sought after because it makes her feel needed and wanted, and secure in our covenant relationship. I can pursue her with the simplest actions: when she walks out of the closet with her outfit for the day on, I should take notice and complement her in it. When I get home from work I should go straight to her and give her a kiss and a big hug, talking to her for a few minutes. When I watch a movie with Astleigh, I should give up sitting in my super comfortable and awesome man chair for a spot snuggled up with her on the couch. These little things mean the world to Astleigh, and it shows her that I notice and think about her.

I am not a good comforter. In fact, I'm awful. For me, I always deal with my problems alone, hiding my emotions when I am around people. I even hide them in front of Astleigh sometimes (though she always knows when something is up). On the contrary, my wife likes to share and talk about her depth. Even little things like how an email might be perceived, which for me would be a five second thought and then forgotten.  In these situations I act like a good boy and do what I've always heard, which is to "just listen to her because that's all a woman wants." Oh, bologna. Sure, active listening is a great thing, look like you are actually part of the conversation, ask questions, and be involved. Unfortunately, I also have to be emotionally invested (you know the thing I'm awful at). I should be showing a deep down tenderness and compassion, sharing my feeling and emotions. I think I have about as much tenderness and comfort as a stone statue in these situations. Let's just say it's something I am working on but have not figured out quite yet.  Bah, men don't need emotions, right?

I floss more. But having a mother-in-law who is a dental hygienist will do that to you.

Feedback sucks. Reality check: that knight in shining armor doesn't exist.  Or if he does, as soon as you ride of into the sunset to live happily ever after you start to realize that he's shorter then you first thought, his armor isn't made of steel, and the brilliant white steed he's on is actually a donkey. Though I like to think that I am the perfect knight in shining armor for Astleigh, I know I am far from it. But, I still have a hard time hearing about the things I need to work on. That's probably my pride getting in the way. Okay, it is my pride getting in the way. I know I need to hear feedback in order to be the man that I want to be for my wife. That doesn't make it any easier to hear. I wouldn't want to do without it; it's so important to be able to share with your spouse the things that caused feelings to be hurt or could lead to resentment. Because unless you are aware of the issue you can't fix it.  And you don't want that stuff to build up.  I know humility is key. I just need to keep praying that I will be able to fully embrace feedback and take it like a champ. 

I am not a furnace. My wife would say otherwise. She is a human ice cube. Seriously, in the middle of summer she still has the coldest hands and feet, especially at night when we climb into the same small bed. Who has to be the warmer for those cold hands and feet? Yup, this guy. She's actually admitted to sticking her hands and feet on me in the crooks of my knees and on the middle of my back after I fall asleep. Okay, so I'm warm-blooded. I know she needs to warm up, but must I suffer for it? 

To see my first confessions, take a look here. Hope you all have a great Tuesday, see you next week for more confessions!