What I Don't Want To Forget About You

August 2, 2016

I just crept down the stairs from your nursery, careful not to step on the places that creak. You my darling girl, have brought so much joy into our (your daddy's and my) lives. There's not an ounce of you that I ever want to forget at this age. From the moment you were born I have willed myself to remember the softness of your skin, the length of your lashes when you were just hours old. I caressed my cheek over you tiny face, and can still remember your newness and the perfectly soft skin that warmed mine. Seven months later, I still sweep my cheek across your little face while you sleep, keeping alive those first moments I held you and cherishing the way you are now. I still will my body to remember the way you fit in my arms as I rock you back and forth, back and forth. I close my eyes, tuck your head under my jaw, and let myself take in every bit of the moment we're sharing. How my right arm is cupped under your legs and bottom, my left arm cradled behind your head and back, with my hand patting so gently on your sweet little bottom. You smell like heaven, that downy hair your growing that gets so fluffy after it's dried from bath time. Your warmth and weight nestled into my torso are my favorites. You splay your little hand across my chest, as if to make sure that even while you sleep I'm still there. 

I try to soak every single bit of you in, my dear. Because time is fleeting, and one day you may stand as tall or taller than me. And I will ache for the nights you woke up needing mama's snuggles or just a little more milk. I will long to rock you back and forth, back and forth just one more time. 

My tiny girl, I try so hard to intentionally enjoy you and remember you as you are. I want to be able to recall your every little baby feature and detail. I feel a physical pain to know that in the decades to come these fond memories of my baby won't be so crisp, so clear. You, my little love, have stolen my heart. Your squeals of delight, babbles, and smiles slay me over and over again. As I was searching for your daddy and my wedding video tonight I came across your ultrasound photos. How amazed I am at God's goodness and His miraculous work in creating you. As much as I want you to stay this little forever, I know I would miss out on all the wonderful moments and milestones that await you. So for now, every late night rocking session, every midday nap you take in my arms, every time I look at you, I will be taking in everything about you. Willing myself to make permanent memories of the way your tiny toes curl, the way you let a smile creep ever so sweetly onto your face, and the way you examine your hands in complete amazement. Your profile is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You have your daddy's nose, your mama's eye shape, ears, and lips. Your hair is just like daddy's was your age too. It's a lovely ash brown, and there's more of it on the top of your head than anywhere else. 

My Greer girl, you are pure perfection, made in His image, made wonderfully by His hands. I love you more than there are stars in the sky. Now I know why I'll always be my mama's baby, because you will always be mine.